||[Dec. 11th, 2006|12:57 am]
I haven't felt this shitty in years. I go from feeling the happiest I'd ever felt one half of the year to feeling so depressed the second half. I've cried the last four days. The things I usually do to cheer myself up aren't working. I just watched one of the best shows last night by The Bouncing Souls, usually a great show sticks with me...nothing. I even made friends with Lucky from World Inferno Friendship Society...still nothing. I don't feel good about myself too much which I thought would never happen. And I have the two things I want to keep forever actually showing hope for an amazing future (being with Jarrett and the band's success) but again nothing. All these good things are bouncing off me and I guess I'm overwhelmed with all the negative and to my disgust it's conquering me. I try to please everyone around me and I still come out feeling like garbage. I feel weak willed and like a doormat. So many people make me feel happy with all the great things they say to me but nothings working and it's just scarying me and making me fragile. On the surface it's fine. I appear ok. But every night I lay awake looking down at myself. I hope to get out of this soon...